Updates from May, 2012 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Bag of Jerky 12:01 pm on May 30, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , upside down   

    I saw this woman as I strolled down State Street today.  I literally laughed in her face as she passed me.  In an effort to be discrete, I waited until I crossed the street to take a picture of her.  Because of this, the photo is a bit hard to decipher, but I’ve zoomed in and brightened the shot to help our readers see. ~AKH

    Umbrella dispatched, upside down. I’d like to note that it was not raining, similar to when we were first introduced to the use of the term “dispatched” in a situation such as this.

    • David 2:40 pm on May 30, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      With the recent Zombie outbreak on an overpass in Miami, I don’t know if laughing in the face of homeless crazy people is the best plan of action.

  • Bag of Jerky 9:49 am on May 25, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , pterodactyl, windshield   

    Nothing says “Good Morning” like discovering a pterodactyl has crapped on your windshield. ~AKH

  • Bag of Jerky 10:48 am on May 21, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , hoodlum,   

    This weekend I learned several meanings for the word burn.

    Incidence #1.  On my drive home from work Friday afternoon, I was cruising the streets of Trenton with total disregard for energy efficiency as I had both the AC on and my car windows open.  My car was roasting after sitting in the blazing sun all day and in my opinion, this is the best way to cool down the car.  So with Carly Rae Jepsen blasting from my speakers, I came to a stop at an intersection that is home of New Family Liquors.  As I awaited a green light, some hoodlum approached my car.
    Hoodlum:  “Yo, I got that good burn.”

    Me:  “Burn?”

    Hoodlum:  “Yeah.  Weed.”

    Me:  “OH! pppffffHA!  no.”

    What made this hoodlum think I was looking to score some drugs, I’ll never know.  One would have thought Carly Rae Jepsen would be clue enough that I wasn’t interested, not to mention the fact that I needed him to explain the wares he was peddling.

    Incidence #2.  Later in the weekend, I singed my forehead with a straightening iron, essentially killing my skin cells so that a diagonal black line punctuates my forehead until I can grow some new skin.  This burn is much different from what my hoodlum friend had in mind. ~AKH

  • Bag of Jerky 9:03 am on May 10, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: belt   

    I hate when I get to work and THEN realize I should have worn a belt today. ~AKH

  • Bag of Jerky 2:02 pm on May 3, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bionic eye, ian sommerhalder   

    I just watched a fascinating news story about doctors enabling blind patients to see with the aid of a bionic eye. Now, not to overshadow this amazing medical and technological advancement (because let’s be honest, a bionic eye is pretty friggin’ amazing), but I couldn’t help but notice the decor of the (formerly) blind man’s home.  Here’s a screenshot from the interview:

    I’ve taken the liberty of circling the not one, but two possibly framed images of Vampire Diaries star Ian Sommerhalder in the patient’s home. To me, this is proof positive that this man had his sight restored, because anyone with vision would be glad to get a daily glimpse of the perfect specimen of the human species that is Ian Sommerhalder.  ~AKH

    Oh, and as a bonus, here’s an unobscured picture of Ian Sommerhalder:

    Source: imdb.com

    • David 10:02 am on May 4, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      Sounds like it could be new Twilight Zone episode – man gets bionic eye only to become obsessed with Ian Sommerhalder leading him to either a) kidnap Ian and torture him Saw style (until he loves Bionic Eye man back of course) or b) to tear the said bionic eye straight out of his dome after being rejected.

  • Bag of Jerky 4:05 pm on May 2, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: curb, , grill   

    The following is an accurate account of last night’s events:

    AKH:  “So when are we going to get rid of the old grill that’s been sitting, unused in our yard for the last 3 years?”

    Parental Units:  “We don’t know how properly to dispose of it.”

    AKH:  “I do.”

    I then went outside and wheeled that bitch the the curb.  As of 8am this morning, the grill was gone.  Moral of the story:  If you’re not sure what to do with something, kick it to the curb.

Compose new post
Next post/Next comment
Previous post/Previous comment
Show/Hide comments
Go to top
Go to login
Show/Hide help
shift + esc