Updates from October, 2011 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Bag of Jerky 2:57 pm on October 28, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , typo,   

    It’s Friday afternoon.  That’s the only explanation I have for the typo I made just a few moments ago.  Instead of typing “Charles Whitall House,” I seem to have typed “Charles Shitall House.”  I don’t think Chaz would be too happy about that one. ~AKH

  • Bag of Jerky 10:36 am on October 27, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bathing suits, drowning, , swimming   

    No wonder why there were so many more drowning deaths at the turn of the century.  Look what these broads had to wear whilst swimming! I much prefer the “I’m-pretty-much-naked-and-I-don’t-care approach.”~AKH


    1904 Asbury Park Bathers (Source: http://www.jerseyhistory.org/collection)


    More proof! A day at the shore in Asbury Park, 1904. (Source: http://www.shorpy.com)

  • Bag of Jerky 8:23 am on October 27, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: chair, disturbance, ,   

    To the person who moved my paperclips, improperly logged into my phone, and un-reclined my desk chair last night– how DAAAAARE you!!! I can’t fix my chair and I am horrendously uncomfortable. You disgust me. ~CQH

  • Bag of Jerky 3:32 pm on October 26, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Faulty, Letter Opener   

    I just bent my letter opener opening a letter. Faulty equipment. ~ CQH

  • Bag of Jerky 10:59 am on October 25, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ghostbusters, Halloween, Jr., , Ray Parker   

    In an effort to get into the holiday spirit, I’ve created a “Halloween” station on Pandora.  Pandora’s first offering:  “Ghostbusters” (Ray Parker, Jr.).  Fine choice, Pandora.  Fine choice. ~AKH

    Update:  Pandora has chosen to play Ray Parker Jr. for the second time in one hour.  I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.

  • Bag of Jerky 10:15 am on October 25, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: blaze, chain saw, fire, flame, , yankee candle   

    I’m considering lighting the candle in my latest Yankee Candle “Boney Bunch” acquisition, but I’m somewhat reluctant seeing as the chainsaw appears to be made of questionable materials.  It’s most likely high-quality plastic or low-quality metal at best.  Here’s hoping that the good folks at Yankee Candle were using their noggins and it is, in fact, metal.  I’ll submit an update to this post informing our readers of the outcome.  If you hear nothing for several hours, you’ll know I’ve set my office ablaze, destroying all of the homey comforts within. ~AKH

    Wick, dangerously close to saw. Even the jack-o-lantern looks nervous.


    Update:  The candle has been burning safely for 20 minutes.

  • Bag of Jerky 4:03 pm on October 21, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: comfort, ,   

    I’m all for being comfortable at all times.  I should have been a boy scout (if I were a dude), because I am always prepared for comfort.  I especially try to extend the comforts of home into the workplace.  Should I die an early death and someone else be saddled with the task of cleaning out my office, he’d find:

    • a pair of fuzzy socks in my lower desk drawer.
    • a heated seat cushion attached to my office chair.
    • a stash of candy on my desk.
    • a 6-cup coffee maker on my radiator cover.
    • assorted coffees (regular, decaff, caramel, vanilla) for aforementioned coffee maker.
    • various holiday decorations according to the season.
    • a circa 1982 General Electric AM/FM Stereo Clock Radio Cassette Recorder atop my bookshelf.
    • cleaning supplies including dish soap, a dish towel, and, of course Murphy Oil (for the hardwood floor) in my front desk drawer.
    • toothpaste and a toothbrush alongside the cleaning supplies.
    • boxes of granola bars and pretzels on the top shelf of my closet-turned-pantry.
    • and, of course, a stock of 240 rootbeer and butterscotch flavored DumDum Lollipops atop the filing cabinet in my “pantry.”

    State of the art Stereo Cassette Player bedecked with Halloween décor


    • CWagner 10:46 am on October 27, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve got you beat…a fuzzy electric blanket. The girl upstairs keeps a snuggie.

    • Bag of Jerky 9:20 am on October 28, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      A snuggie and an electric blanket! Now that is comfort. ~AKH

    • Dave 12:35 pm on October 28, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Are you sure that tape player didn’t come with cobwebs already attached? I think i have one in my basement that looks EXACTLY like that and I certainly didn’t decorate it.

  • Bag of Jerky 10:34 pm on October 19, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 1996, bulldog, Carrying the Banner, Newsies   

    This is what happens when it’s 1996 and you attempt to recreate the opening scene of Newsies with a bulldog in the room: ~AKH

    Carrying the Banner

  • Bag of Jerky 1:59 pm on October 19, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , pain, , self-diagnose, webmd   

    Medical advice on the internet should be banned, because people like me google themselves into medical school as a result.  For example, I’ve been experiencing mild, bruise-like pain at the top of my left kneecap as of late.  I don’t recall slamming my knee into any foreign objects, nor do I see a bruise, so naturally, I turned to google.  After approximately 5 minutes of searching I have diagnosed myself with “Quadriceps Tendonitis” and advised myself to stop running for 4-6 weeks.  Well, my runner-self is not happy with my doctor-self.  Doesn’t my doctor know that if I don’t run at least 6 days a week I’ll die?  I’ve convinced myself that the only reason I’m thin is because I run, so if I were to cease running, I’d balloon to ginormous proportions and have to be rolled into an early grave, all as a result of lack of exercise for one month. See?  This is why real doctors hate the internet. ~AKH

  • Bag of Jerky 2:05 pm on October 18, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bad, dreams, ,   

    I had a miserable dream on Sunday night:  I was on a subway platform and I watched some guy jump out in front of the train and saw all of his body parts go flying. Then the next train that came was one of those open flatbed ones that carry garbage, but they made everyone get on it anyway, so I was sitting in open air as the train rolled over this guy’s pieces.  It was terrible. Then I went to my parents house to tell everybody what happened, but I had to go through one of those haunted house walkthroughs (which I HATE) to get there. I was so upset about seeing the guy die I went nuts on all the things in the haunted house, like ripping dummies heads off and punching the real people in costume in the face. When I finally made it to my parent’s kitchen nobody would listen to my story about the guy on the train tracks. It was horrible. ~CQH

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